It has to stop, doesn’t it? Everywhere I turn there’s another “gourmet burger” place popping up. A half a dozen have opened up in our neighborhood in the last few months, and they just keep proliferating. I’m not going to go to all of them, because it’s just not worth munching my way through so many bad ones – even to find the occasional gem. So it’s probably going to come down to recommendations rather then explorations on these.

 

This one did not come recommended, and was the last straw stuck on the jenga tower before the one that brought it all down. It’s the burgués francés at Burgués, Peña 2665, here in Recoleta, formerly the home of Saint Honore patisserie and coffee shop, which was formerly Anima patisserie and coffee shop. Now it’s a burger, patisserie and coffee shop. One could only hope that third time’s the charm. Unfortunately, it’s not. Note the color of that burger. It’s black. It’s not brown, it’s not brown with grill marks. It’s black. It’s also, really shiny, because… it’s sopping wet. Let’s dissect…. [Closed, quickly.]

The bun isn’t bad. It isn’t great, but it isn’t bad. There’s a whopping leaf of lettuce, and a couple of slices of fresh tomato. They’re fine. There’s melted blue cheese, which is the impetus for the “French” burger moniker, one that’s sort of ubiquitous here – why having blue cheese makes a burger French, I don’t know, but okay. It’s not very good blue cheese. The patty itself, as noted, black on the outside. Grey on the inside, chewy, and so overcooked that this truly could be an overlooked puck from Les Tricolores. Why is it sopping wet?

There’s an old diner, greasy spoon, dive bar, technique for cooking cheeseburgers…. You brown them (not blacken them) on a griddle, then you put the cheese on top, pour some water around the burger and clamp a cloche over the top. The water converts to steam, which helps quickly and evenly melt the cheese. It’s particularly effective for harder to melt cheeses… like blue cheese. Of course, you’re supposed to let the water all steam off before putting it on a bun. My guess is this one was done in a skillet over a high flame, and the burger was tipped out onto the bun, water and all. 180 pesos for a burger.

Oh yeah, the fries sucked too. Pass on this one. Maybe fourth time will be the charm… one can only hope.

 

I don’t recall who recommended this place, or maybe it was just that it came up because of a little twist. There’s a small chain of stores here called CeliGourmet, that offers up gluten free (there’s the “celi”, for coeliac) breads and pastries. And, awhile back, they opened up a restaurant, offering dishes made with their gluten free products, called La Pastroneria, El Salvador 6026, Palermo. Given the name, it’s not surprising that their focus is kinda sorta on pastrami, or pastrón, as it’s called here.

Now, with three of us at the table, there were a few options – in addition to a few sandwiches (two sizes of pastrami, chicken, smoked salmon, veggie), there are also pizzas on the menu. We decided to stick with sandwiches, and order up a large of their pastrami, since that’s their claim to fame, and a regular smoked salmon, and just share them around the table. Let’s dissect once again….

The bread on the sandwiches is touted as their gluten free pletzlach (a flattened bread roll topped with poppyseeds and onions). There are no other options. It’s dense and crumbly, and completely flavorless. Seriously, there’s supermarket grade gluten free bread that’s better than this. The smoked salmon is fine. The pastrami, is not. I’m not sure I even want to guess how they made it – it’s certainly not smoked nor spiced. Maybe just brined and then slow cooked until it’s a stringy, dried out, and once again flavorless, slab. Kind of like an overcooked pot roast.

The sandwiches and platters (which are the same offerings as the sandwiches, just without bread), all come with the exact same accompaniments – pickles, coleslaw, and baked potato. On the pastrami we got a few pickles, and some lettuce and tomato. On the salmon we got a ramekin of cream cheese, and some lettuce and tomato. No coleslaw in the house, they simply hadn’t made any. Really? There’s one side dish that’s served with virtually everything on the entire menu, and you haven’t made any of it? Sure there was the baked potato, topped with no, not sour cream as claimed, but just whipped cream cheese – probably something commercial like Casa ‘n Crema or Mendicrim. I don’t recall the exact prices – I think the large pastrami was something like 270 pesos, the regular salmon, about 220. But, a pass all around. This was the last straw in the jenga tower, even if not a burger.

 

I can’t end on bad note, I have to end on something uplifting, something positive, and thankfully, it happened. This one actually did come recommended, from a couple of friends who are burger aficionados. I found my way over to Palermo (it wasn’t that hard), and sidled up to the counter at Fat Broder, Charcas 3787. Now, I wasn’t holding my breath. This is another place like Burgertify, that instead of doing single large burger patties, divides the meat in two and cooks two smaller patties, which while resulting in a quicker cooking and taller stacked burger, ready for Instagram, also usually means it’s overcooked. Not that it has to be, it just usually is.

And, I ordered up a Juicy Lucy, their flagship burger, despite the fact that they had no idea what a real juicy lucy burger is, they just liked the name. For those of you who don’t know, a juicy lucy is a midwestern classic, originating in Minneapolis, though it’s spread a bit throughout the region, and what’s different about it is that the burger consists of two patties, molded, and sealed, around a core of a slab of “American” cheese. As the burger cooks, the cheese becomes a molten center – it’s like one of those chocolate lava cakes, just with meat and cheese. At Fat Broder, it’s just two patties, each topped with cheese and bacon. Can we dissect again?

Great bun – sturdy, held up the entire time, flavorful. Two well seasoned patties of meat… and… drum roll…

 

… quite possibly for the first time in 13+ years here, a burger requested muy jugoso, i.e., really rare, that actually was. In fact, it was cooked perfectly for me. I was happy from the first bite. The cheese was the usual local orange cheddar slices – fine, but nothing special, basically, American cheese. The bacon was plentiful and actually crispy. The slices of onion, thin and crunchy. Pickles that aren’t overly sweet. The fries, some of the best I’ve had in town – clearly and properly either double or triple fried so they’re crisp on the surface and soft and creamy inside. And a trio of condiments available – a housemade ketchup, a smoked eggplant sauce (killer!), and a cilantro and lime mayo. In combo with a pint of draft beer – 280 pesos.

I’m declaring this the best burger of the first half of 2018. Do. Not. Miss. This. One. I could actually happily stop here and just rotate between a few of my favorites and not even try other burgers any more.