“The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why, and Where phases. For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question ‘How can we eat?’ the second by the question ‘Why do we eat?’ and the third by the question ‘Where shall we have lunch?”

– Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

Just as important, at times, is, “Where shall we not have lunch?” And, I find, as I look through what I have lined up for this Bite Marks, that they were all kind of meh, or worse, experiences.

I think I’ll just do this in the order I tried these places in. Just back from my Peruvian adventures, I met up with a friend to try a bodegón that had been recommended to me. Now, I find it interesting, that 8 Esquinas, Av. Forest 1186, Chacarita, was recommended for its milanesa and flan. Because the classic Argentine dishes are scant on the menu. While this place looks like your typical Argentine bodegón, its specialty is German dishes. We tried a couple – one of grilled pork loin with baked apple, mustard sauce, and sauerkraut; the other with a bratwurst, smoked pork rump, potatoes, and sauerkraut. They’re… fine. Other than the sauerkraut which was neither sour, nor good. Actually very bizarre tasting to me. I guess if you have a hankering for smoked pork products, and a heavy lunch, this would be the place to venture to. Maybe we should have tried the milanesa and flan. Okay service, a bit gruff. Prices reasonable at about $5/plate.

This is one of those stands, actually one of the first, along the outdoor eats pedestrian walkway in Chinatown. Orei, Echeverría 1677 Local 8, Belgrano, has been recommended to me by various people as a great place to have ramen. Even if you do have to sit on a concrete planter to eat it (though I fudged it and used one of the stand-up tables at their next door neighbor. Umm… it’s okay ramen. I will give it that it’s better than many instant ramens. The broth is decent though not with much depth of flavor. The noodles are okay, but a tad undercooked for my tastes, the toppings were pretty good, though limited. The onigiri might be the smallest one I’ve ever encountered, and if it had a teaspoon of filling, I’d be surprised. Color me disappointed. And I’ll walk two blocks away and have far better (though double the price) ramen at Nobiru. At the same time, we’re talking basically $2.50 versus $4.50 for a bowl of ramen… Still, I’ll spring for the extra two bucks and a place to sit.

I’m a bit surprised at this one. It came highly recommended by a local burger maven whose picks are usually pretty damned good. He raved about this one as one of the better bar burgers he’d had. I’m not sure I’d even really call this a bar, though I guess technically it is, though to me it’s more of a fancied up fast food joint. But here I am, with a friend, at Wolfa, Malabia 1825, Palermo, and trying out said highly touted, eponymous, “Wolfa burger”. And there’s nothing about it that I can tout. Oh, it’s not inedible or anything, but it’s just what amounts to a supermarket bun topped with a patty with burnt edges (and not in a good way like a smashed patty burger), not well seasoned, the bacon not crisp, the onions not really caramelized, the egg overcooked, and accompanying fries, undercooked and floppy. I’d like to assert that it’s better than, say, McDonald’s or Burger King, but I don’t want to give you a false impression.

I hadn’t intended to go to La Pituca de Boedo, Inclán 3901, Boedo. I’d set out for a different bodegón, only to find it closed during posted open hours. Since nothing else on my “to check out” map was nearby, I just did a quick search for other bodegones in the area, and this was a short walk away. A “pituca” or “pituco” is someone who is a bit upper class and dresses and comports themselves like it… in the masculine version, a “dandy” comes to mind. I’m not sure how it relates to this sort of hole-in-the-wall neighborhood spot. At lunch, the only thing on offer is the menú ejecutivo, which offered up a choice of two appetizers, two main courses, and two desserts, plus a non-alcohol beverage, for a bit under $3. I wasn’t that hungry, and they offered just the main courses for a bit under $2, so I opted for that… only to find out at the end, that they charge the exact difference between the two for any of the beverages. So I paid the price of the full three course menu and only got my main course and a bottle of water. Oh, and they upcharge 10% if you want to pay via card. A bit of a cheat, if you ask me, despite how cheap it is. I should have asked for the appetizer and dessert to go…. Anyway, decent enough drumstick and thigh of a chicken in a rather nice lemon sauce, with more lemons on the side, and pretty decent fried potatoes. Nothing special, but good.

Now slightly primed because I didn’t have dessert, I walked a few blocks away to an ice cream shop that was on my list. Only to find out that Tregoria, Av. Pavón 3884, Boedo, is not exactly an ice cream shop. It’s a garage, down a sloped driveway, with a gate in front of it. And you basically just stand at the gate until someone notices you and walks up to find out what you want. So, it’s “to go” only, which wasn’t expected, but actually fine, since I wasn’t that hungry and just took a cuarto (250gm) home to eat later. On the plus side, inexpensive – I haven’t seen a cuarto for a mere 800 pesos, which is less than a dollar, for quite some time anywhere else. Negatives, you only get two flavors instead of the usual three in a cuarto (and smaller sizes and cones are limited to one flavor instead of the usual two); and, it’s just okay ice cream, with kind of muted flavors. But hey, it’s ice cream, so it’s not like it can actually be bad or anything, right?